However, I haven't wasted any time. Seeing the limitations and difficulties I'm constantly bumping into with Flash, I've ventured into the 3D world, and started to learn some Unity, a powerful game engine for 3D games. With its built-in functions, morphs and animation are way easier to implement, so I'm currently working on some tests for interactivity, TG morphs, character customization, and more. Expect some in the near future.
Other reason for my inactivity is that I've been pretty depressed lately. Not because our financial struggles or me being mostly alone, but because I've realized I'm trapped in this life, in this job, in this house, and I'm starting to feel displeased about my current situation.
I'm 25, still living with my parents, working playing cello with my family, giving concerts being our only job. I can't possibly quit, as it would destroy the group (we're just three). Everything has to be planned years in advance, always with me in it, so it seems impossible for me to either quit or move elsewhere and begin my own life. Being substituted? Impossible, financially and musically speaking. I really don't know how to escape, I'm stuck.
I want to work on other things, focus on my other passions, TG art, animation, drawing, game design... Music has been the greatest but I'm really starting to feel really "saturated", as I've been playing in professional concerts since I was 11. I don't want music to be my whole life, it has been for a long time and it has been awesome, but I'm mentally exhausted and tired of it and I want to move on. But I can't, and it depresses me more each day.
And the way I'm being treated at home makes things worse. Since my transition, my status at home seems to be reverting, as I'm being treated more and more like a teenager instead of an adult. They insist on me moving to a room upstairs beside my little brothers (instead of my room in the bottom floor which is much more isolated from the rest of the house, which has given me some precious privacy for the last 8 years). When I reply that I need privacy, they say I don't love them anymore. And I get the same response any time I say that I'd like to leave someday and start my own life, my own family.
It's really frustrating, but now there's nothing I can do about it. I still have to wait for the surgeries and legal name change coming up in 2015 for me to be "done" with transition. And I definitely need to wait a couple years until our financial situation stabilizes so me quitting won't be a disaster for the whole family economy. And I need to find a way to make my own money, which has been always really difficult given how constrained I am to music and my family.